this month undertale turns 10 years old. wow. Actually crazy. this game means the world to me. the 10th anniversary stream was so fun and so precious and it made me cry like a baby. asriel saying "it cant have been 10 years already... i dont want to grow up, not without you!" hit so fucking hard. i cried so, so hard. because thats me! i grew up with this game! i grew up! its been 10 years, and i grew up!!!! its so connected with grief, being afraid to let someone go and afraid of the time passing so quickly between then and now. you dont want to leave it behind. asriel doesnt want to leave chara behind.
it just meant so much to me. when the stream ended, it said "the world is as big as you want it to be. what will you do next?" and, to be honest, i dont know. i dont know what i want to do next. its scary leaving something behind. i subconsiously hold onto this game, to this now, to my friends, even if its been 10 years since undertale came out. even if im a senior right now. im afraid to say goodbye. even to days i enjoyed, at night im scared to fall asleep. i dont want to let go.
but toby had said something simple, "i think its good to say goodbye." its such a simple notion. its just the opposite of what i think. but, connected to this game, it means so much more. this game is incredibly simple. its so simple, you could tell it to a child. but thats not a bad thing. in fact, thats the most important thing about undertale. something simple can go a long way. a simple word of kindness can go a long way. when you spare the monsters, they go on to future careers and such, in the credits when their names are yellow. you gave them something simple, and it changed their life. the game does the same thing to you. just as much as you change these characters, these characters change you. this game changes you.
it is good to say goodbye. it is how you move. it is how you live. for me it's so hard to say goodbye, but maybe, just maybe, i can find the bravery soon to say it.
believing is also so hard too. this world, especially the status of it right now, is really bleak. this country is so bleak. im honestly scared to live here. its hard to believe it can get better.
because, in a way, it feels believing is too complex. but believing is the complete opposite. believing is the most simplest thing to do. i can believe. i believe in my friends. i believe in my family. i believe they can find joy. i believe they can finish their goals. i believe they can overcome whatever they are fighting right now. i really do believe. and its that push that matters. that simple, childish feeling. and to you, whoever is reading this right now, whether you be a stranger, friend, or even me, i believe in you. i believe you can overcome things that you are fighting. i believe you can become the person you want to be. because, no matter how much time passes between here and then, despite everything it is still you. and i believe in You!!!
undertale gave me characters that believed in me, no matter the odds. i love them. i love this game. i love undertale. and you know what? it loves me back :)
so, thank you undertale. thank you toby fox. thank you everyone. and thank you me. i love you, whoever is reading this. goodnight!